.Sunday, October 11, 2009 ' 10:05 PM Y
❤iloveyou.
my mind is in a whirl and very messy like my design up here.
there seems to be many things going on right now that i am just feeling blurred.
somehow i felt like i have burdened many people.
when ideas struck me,i was up and about like the glitters i see on the christmas trees' star.
but when i work on it,i feel kind of dull.i dont know why.
somehow i just feel like breaking down and shut everything out.
just curl up some corner and cry myself out.
but i cant.
i simply just cant.
i hate it when it gets on my nerves like this.
just like how my round doughnut rolled out and away from me,i feel like doing the same too from this world.
it pains me to speak it out.
and it hurt even deeper to keep it inside.
i cant possibly blog it out here like as if nobody is reading.
i just dont know why i am so stressed up right now and feeling so very restless.
i feel like tearing my hair away and crumple in my bed under the blankie.
i wish i can roll out from the blankie and knock myself unconscious on the floor.
aaaahhh!
okie shut up.
Labels: SAVE ME.
.Wednesday, October 7, 2009 ' 9:52 PM Y
❤iloveyou.
life has just been the same.but even with all the similarities,there are still some changes,problems and stuffs that makes our lives more memorable.i am somehow troubled over things but i can really say it out in here.most of the time i have it up in another place.and some of the time i let people know of the things that are haunting me.
people make mistakes and i am one of them.i am not denying the facts.sooner or later,somehow the truth will just come out.but now i just need to wait and watch it and even swerve it to another angle just so i can get things properly in place.
i do feel sad at times when i really cant get to voice out.but life still has to go on.we have to be strong dont we?sooner or later..the truth would be out.
hey..i am missing you just too much.days pass and i caught myself thinking of you each day and all i can do is just to pray.i caught myself tearing once in awhile but i just miss you terribly that i cant keep it in me any longer.i love you yes i do.so please.let patience be a part of us till the end of this journey.i love you very much.please dont disappoint any of us.i love you and it is all i can say.i just cant seem to put out how much i miss you or how deep i love you or how badly i need you but these tears right now?they are the witness of everything.we just be patient okie?and i love you.remember that.
Labels: i love you so.
.Monday, October 5, 2009 ' 9:26 PM Y
❤iloveyou.
i am missing this person right now and very badly. =/
but oh well..good things come to those who wait right?anyway..days have been okie.life has been fair.nevertheless,thanks to mardy the monyet for accompanying me to settle some things last friday.i really appreciate the time you had for me..and seriously speaking,i havent really stepped out of my tiny cage to go out and walk around to spread my wings these few days.
tortured i feel but life still has to go on.there really isnt a need to show people how bad it is right now for me but i am pretty much sure that after all this,i would be having another fun time with my bunny. (: i just cant believe that all this would really happen between us. (: soon huh?and not everybody knows about..perhaps soon..perhaps later..but how slow or fast people react..i am sure that they would be happy for me too. (:
for my babybunny..i love you loads and really cant wait to the day.. :D and to mum,happy advanced birthday..enjoy yourself at your new job and i hope i really wont disappoint that much with the outbreak of news that is coming up.. (:
Labels: peace.
.Saturday, September 26, 2009 ' 5:00 PM Y
❤iloveyou.
.jpg)
it is just yet another normal saturday for me.well,other than the fact that big bro came to visit with his girlfriend.but whatever.nothing pisses me off when people just shamelessly raid through my stuffs like as if it is theirs.urgh!
out of sympathy,i lent my laptop to this somebody.not that i won't allow or anything like that.but i just have this thing going in me.i guess i won't mind if lovely bunny or favourite uncle or my mom wants to loan because unc and mom did helped to fork out abit for this dumb machine and well i just cant say no to my dearest right?but this one other person.will always ask for this and that and this and that like as if this is hers. =/ eew! i am not trying to be a bitch by bitching about her in my blog which i dont think she knows it ever exist.but come on lah.how shameless can you get?first you make me run up and down getting things for you like as if i am your servant.okie fine.so what if i lived in your house?that doesnt give you the right to treat me like one stupid maid.and you only seems to know your tiredness but not others!and your fucking rudeness,you can handle,but if others is rude to you,you cant take it.why?you mirror yourself first old maid.
i just sometimes cant believe you dare to say such things when he is not around.claiming 'reward' for what he did for you.shameless arent you?why do you even do that?to make people look up to you in respect?respect my foot!i just cant believe you can say such things about him when he did try to help out.well,why cant you just say that right in his face and see whether you can claim yourself a slap from him?ha.ha.bitch.
and now that he isnt here,you dare say things about him just because he cant help you out much with the thing you are doing right now.dont think i dont know you okie.i do.i know you are just trying not to make people's lives miserable.but too bad!you just did that for the past few years!shameful.and i cant believe you even try to look through whatever i did with my laptop.hey come on.dont you know privacy?
oops sorry!i forgot.your kind doesnt really know what privacy is.when i voiced out about how you were at home when there are no guys,what was your response?hey, havent you been to the pool?damn you!dont you know the slightest bit of shame?first you said you are done with it and make me so excited to take it back.and then when i want to take it away,you said you are not done with it.you think what?only you want to use all the time?i tell you what.you have got nothing to do with the net and anything over the internet.for goodness sake!make yourself an account la!so that you wont have to trouble people like me.or even get yourself one stupid machine and then you can go download whatever shit songs you want to hear or view your lover's profile for all i care!you dont have to trouble me.
ouh dont get me wrong.i am not trying to be selfish.but you know limits?i dont why but my limits for you is very limited.i just cant stand you.so please just bugger off.
Labels: you just cant work me out too much.
.Friday, September 25, 2009 ' 5:53 PM Y
❤iloveyou.
i was actually not planning to blog anymore on this page as i see that there is no reason as to why this page has to be kept updated.haha..but somehow,i felt the urge to blog again on this page because of something that happened..to be exact,today. :D
anyways,today i woke up as usual..at 6.15am just to say good morning to my bunny and i fell asleep again till around 930am.i rolled around and just started to think over and over again till around 10.25am.i seriously got nothing to do and there is just this heavy feeling that has been pestering me ever since yesterday night.not really yesterday night.but months ago.so i got up and get ready.
now i must say that today might have been my day.i went to visit my mum after so long.and yeah.i apologized and stuffs like that.the house is still about almost the same.nothing much changed.and i managed to help my mom with something that she wasnt sure of.it kind of got me on a spot somehow and i just couldnt say anything much and so i just kept shut all the time.the sorrows,the sadness all just rushed out from the both of us and we told each other why we did stuffs that we do.but there is just one thing that i did but i still dont have the courage to tell her yet.listening to her hopes and the things she wanted to see just crushed my heart even more that i dont even dare to blurt out anything else to her.i guess for now i'll just keep it muted in me.
i finally got back and did some housework.just the normal normal stuffs.and i thought i just want to check mails and some stuffs online and then get back to my book.but something caught my eye.
i cant believe that something of the past is coming up to me.i just cant believe how stupid a person can be.so i just set a few minutes and let history replay itself.not long and i succeed in doing something.it is just too bad that some people are just too dumb.i am not naming names.but looking at how the person has become,looking at how after history happened,nothing much has changed or even proved to me that she can be somebody of use.if it was me in her shoes,i dare say i am ASHAMED to be her.yucks!and she still got the cheeks to come and allow herself to be trapped once again.i guess it's okie huh.just let her do whatever she wants.take whatever she wants.but listen good that she can never be as smart as me and neither can she get what she really wants.i know deep down she is still trying to pull me down and make our lives a nightmare.but she can dream on.and let those dreams continue as dreams.
cant believe some boring old toot dare to come up to me and try to do anything funny.yeah i dare you.but for now,i'm busy to entertain you.i am going off now.to write my daily report for my lovely bunny. (:
Labels: just wait for my definition of real entertainment..
.Thursday, September 17, 2009 ' 2:54 PM Y
❤iloveyou.
so again today i try to start my day as happy as i would always be like when he was here.hmm..i made my way to the library..haha..got a book to keep me company. (: well i hope the upcoming few more days would be alright for me and fly past very fast..
yesterday i thought maybe i can find things to make my life a bit brighter for the time being..but nah..nobody bothers..so why should i?i thought i want to play nice and just be me again..but maybe i should just keep to myself..
nevermind about others.i'll just concentrate on my life and ours from now on..because why bother and hope for something that wont happen?might as well i use that extra time to make our lives good.especially with one coming up.i just thought to myself..there's no point in trying to be nice to everybody...when in the end,you are just where you started..and right through yesterday, i realise that all this while..i already reach a point in my life where i dont think i need to look further or beyond..it has always been there for me..
okie i dont know what i am blabbing..signing out..
Labels: whatever happens for a reason.
.Wednesday, September 16, 2009 ' 3:59 PM Y
❤iloveyou.
it is the third day..
things have been very quiet for now.
only one person knows what i am going through.
well..make it two.its her and HIM.
right.
somehow this phase of life make me look back at all that we have gone through..and it really made me cherish the times we had together.the conversations is still in my head.the smiles that curved still show in my head..the laughter and the fond memories still plays around me.
i cant help but to go through this again and at the same time remain calm and act like nothing is happening.nothing is happening really.it is like as if the clock has stop ticking and i am all alone now.wondering what i should do in the next few seconds.
nothing excites me like how you always make me feel excited to do things.i cant complain much on how sick i feel or how i dislike the feeling of having to vomit.nobody knows what i am going through.
the past year with you has been great although there are times where i felt hurt when i learnt of the truth.but this is all that we have to go through to make everything easier in the end dont we?this is all part and parcel of a relationship and life isnt it?sometimes when i listen to you or even look at you,i cant help but to smile at your sillyness.i cant help but to just have all this fond memories of you to keep me through.
like what i promised to you,i am carrying out my promise.and i am proving it to you that i really meant what i say.i wont hurt you for the second time.i wont let others force me to where i dont want to go.i wont let others do what they want as they please.because all this while i am with you,none is there to ask about us.i dont yearn for their attention as much as i want your attention.i dont find their company a must like how i wished you can keep me company for the rest of my life.i may not be the most exciting person in your life but i am trying to make you lead a better and happier life.
through arguements and fights,we learn more about each other.we got to know of each other's past and sometimes we even laughed at how silly we were back then.i may not have shown you that i really really care about you.i may be giving you attitudes like there is no tomorrow and i may even complain non-stop like a spoilt radio but i hope you do know that i love you so much and i have never regretted a single day with you baby. (:
Labels: i love you baby.